Coping

This past week, I have been driving to work from Fort Collins by myself.  I was carpooling with my coworker Kimberly, but she is now on maternity leave.  I take Taft Hill which turns into Wilson in Loveland.  Earlier, I had noticed that there is a little road side memorial shrine in between Fort Collins and Loveland.  And going North, right before the memorial, are tire marks, and a big disturbance in the field, where you can tell a car crashed.  Every day this week, as I drive to work in the morning, there is a car pulled over next to it, and a lady sitting in front of the memorial.  Today, it was obvious that she was crying.  Her body was shaking and her face was in her hands.  I drove by it again this afternoon, and when I saw it, I wondered who this lady had lost.  Her son or daughter?  Brother or sister, best friend, cousin, aunt or uncle?  Whoever it was, she loved this person.  She loved them so much that she grieves for them every morning, and probably carries around that grief with her all day.

It has made me think about losing someone you love, and not even necessarily because that person died.  My friend said goodbye to someone she is very close to, who is moving to Europe indefinitely.  Another one of my friends went back home to England, and not under the happiest circumstances.  And Kimberly, my pregnant coworker, is not coming back to work after her baby is born.  Saying goodbye, or even saying see you later, is hard enough.  I can't imagine how hard it is to lose someone to death.

I love the incredible miracle of Jesus breaking the bands of death.  And I hold fast to the hope and faith I have in that.

Decisions, Promotions, and BIG Things Happening

The last post I wrote was all about how I felt really good about leaving for Provo in August, and why.  So much can change in two and a half weeks.  I started my job at HNS in November 2009 as a seasonal employee in the clothing room.  After Christmas, the director and assistant director got together and decided that they wanted to hire me on permanently.  The assistant director told me yesterday how they had had a discussion about it (when we started going into our slow season) and both agreed that I was too a part of the team to let me go.  To keep me on, they also trained me in the food room, and eventually in reception and data entry.  I spent the rest of 2010 floating from area to area.  At the beginning of 2011, I was offered a promotion as the food room assistant.  I have loved being the FR assistant.  But, I always in the back of my mind wished that I could be a caseworker.  Well, on Thursday, the director came to talk to me.  She asked me if I was for sure going to Utah, and then said if I wasn't, then she would like for me to become a caseworker.

This past weekend I had a constant prayer in my heart.  Should I go to Provo like I had originally planned, or stay for a little while longer and try my hand at caseworking?  I had no idea what God had in mind for me.  A lot of the time I felt like He was giving me two great options, and that no matter which I chose, He would take care of me.  On Friday, I made a pros and cons list.

After making this list, I was still very undecided about my plans.  On Friday and Saturday, I was leaning more towards sticking with the original plan, and going to Provo in August.  On Sunday, I was leaning towards staying.  As I was drifting in and out of sleep on Sunday morning, I was praying.  One prayer went like this, "God, just I need to know now what you want me to do.  Just tell me."  Another one was more along these lines, "God, I trust that your wisdom is perfect, and that you will let me know what to do in your perfect time, and I trust that no matter what, You love me and have a perfect plan for me."  I prayed these two prayers a lot the last few days.

On Monday morning, I went to the director and told her that I had decided to stay a little longer in Colorado, and though I would be leaving eventually, I would love to become a caseworker.  She was very excited, and plans for my training were discussed.  This next Monday, I will start my training.  I will casework in the morning, and be in the Food Room in the afternoon.  My coworkers, parents and friends are all excited for me.  I am for the most part psyched, however, I am still a bit disappointed.  My roommate said it best, "It's always a little disappointing when plans change."

As for school, I now have more time to apply to more schools, save more money, and hopefully buy a new car.  I also will be living with Elissa and Mike in August, so I am excited to get to know her family better, and save some money on rent.

I starting reading the caseworker manual, and I am now scared out of my mind about my new responsibilities, so please pray that I will figure it out, and do well in my new job.