"Always remember, there is nothing worth sharing, like the love that let us share our name."
-The Avett Brothers
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Come Forth as Gold
I like the hope Job has when he says, "...when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." (Job 23:10) Lately, the subject of trials and pain have come up a lot in my life. It's so difficult while I am going through something hard, and I am in pain, to think, "God has a reason for allowing this to happen to me." It can be so easy to blame God for the trials in my life. And it seems silly that I don't immediately turn to Him for comfort and guidance. Going to God in times of adversity does not necessarily make the bad go away, or make it any easier. But He is so generous in giving peace, and in strengthening the hope I have that through Him all things are possible.
Probably the most amazing thing is that our Savior has been tempted in every way, felt every kind of adversity, and understands every hurt I feel. Hebrews 4:15-16 says, "For we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feelings of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."
Probably the most amazing thing is that our Savior has been tempted in every way, felt every kind of adversity, and understands every hurt I feel. Hebrews 4:15-16 says, "For we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feelings of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need."
Today at work, my patience was tried soooo much. I thought I would implode with impatience. I would not say that I am very patient in general, but I am pretty good at hiding my impatience. Not so much today though. I think everyone could tell that I was at my wit's end. Thankfully, I have the best and most understanding boss, who is also the most patient person in the history of the world. A lot of mornings I pray that God give me patience. Guess what I forgot to pray for today. It's funny how we realize what God has given us only when we no longer have it.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
The Overwhelming Power of Prayer
My parents were telling me about these monks in Greece who pray together for eight hours straight, then even as they go about their daily routines, they are in continual prayer. Eight hours!! I can't imagine what I would pray about for that long. But everyday, I notice that my prayers get a little longer. I guess it's all about practice, practice, practice. A couple of months ago, I started to pray before work every morning. I didn't wake up earlier, but I would still spend 5-10 minutes in prayer before getting ready for the day. If you know me at all, you know that it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to wake up in the morning. I sleep until the very last minute possible, so that between that time and when I have to leave for work, I have to use every moment to get ready. On the mornings I pray, even though I don't wake up any earlier, I still have enough time to get ready and out the door in time for work. This morning, I forgot to pray and was ten minutes late to work.
Prayer is such an amazing gift. Our Heavenly Father wants to hear from us, each and every day. He desires the praises and thanks He deserves. He is willing to answer questions and give blessings. It may not be when or how we expected, but He is willing. Last Friday, I drove to the Denver Temple because I needed a peaceful place to pray. I had been feeling a bit lost, scared about big changes, etc. I spent an hour and a half there pondering a certain question, and started feeling frustrated, because I didn't feel like I was getting an answer. I finally left, even though I hadn't received any peace about that certain question. As I was driving home, I was listening to a talk that had been given to me a long time ago. And in it, a situation much like my own was presented, and the speaker explained how he had felt about it, and how later it was revealed to him to be a blessing. I knew that his answer was also my answer, and that God had led me to decide to put in that cd, because He wanted to use it to answer my question and to teach me a lesson.
We have the perfect example of Jesus Christ to know how to live in this life. How many times during Christ's life on earth did he pray? There are numerous examples of it in the Bible. How important it is then to pray!
Prayer is such an amazing gift. Our Heavenly Father wants to hear from us, each and every day. He desires the praises and thanks He deserves. He is willing to answer questions and give blessings. It may not be when or how we expected, but He is willing. Last Friday, I drove to the Denver Temple because I needed a peaceful place to pray. I had been feeling a bit lost, scared about big changes, etc. I spent an hour and a half there pondering a certain question, and started feeling frustrated, because I didn't feel like I was getting an answer. I finally left, even though I hadn't received any peace about that certain question. As I was driving home, I was listening to a talk that had been given to me a long time ago. And in it, a situation much like my own was presented, and the speaker explained how he had felt about it, and how later it was revealed to him to be a blessing. I knew that his answer was also my answer, and that God had led me to decide to put in that cd, because He wanted to use it to answer my question and to teach me a lesson.
We have the perfect example of Jesus Christ to know how to live in this life. How many times during Christ's life on earth did he pray? There are numerous examples of it in the Bible. How important it is then to pray!
Monday, April 25, 2011
A Key
Today, I was thinking about my keys. I only have three keys on my keychain. One for my car and two for work. I used to have one for my apartment, but since I moved out, and in with my parents, I obviously no longer have that one. In three weeks, I will be adding a new key to my chain. I am moving to Fort Collins, and am taking over a lease for a girl only through July. This is exciting and scary and good. I actually have never lived on my own before. Only with my parents and husband. So, this will all be so new.
My keys are making me think of all the changes in my life lately. I feel like every big change in life deserves a little change. For instance, get a divorce, chop off seven inches of hair. Become a Mormon, wear a dress you normally wouldn't have worn. Maybe when I move to FOCO, I will dye my hair, or get a really cool keychain, or splurge on a decorative pillow that has sequins on it, and can't possibly be comfortable to rest your head on. Or maybe all three.
My keys are making me think of all the changes in my life lately. I feel like every big change in life deserves a little change. For instance, get a divorce, chop off seven inches of hair. Become a Mormon, wear a dress you normally wouldn't have worn. Maybe when I move to FOCO, I will dye my hair, or get a really cool keychain, or splurge on a decorative pillow that has sequins on it, and can't possibly be comfortable to rest your head on. Or maybe all three.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Dr. Who, craziness, and more craziness
This is the Eleventh Doctor. If you have never heard of Dr. Who, then shame on you, and google it now, and then watch every episode of the new series at least twice. Skip work, skip eating, skip showering, just watch it. The Doctor has led me to discover just how insane I really am. I love watching movies and television, but sometimes (ok, 99% of the time) I get too anxious to know what happens at the end. I become so worried about the ending, I don't even watch the movie or show. For example, I am a Bourne fan, and when Bourne Ultimatum came out, my boyfriend at the time and I went to see it. I got so anxious about it, we left before the movie started. So, it came out on dvd, I bought it, it stayed in its plastic for months, until I accidentally sold it to Plato's Closet. It was years before I finally watched it. Most of the time though, I just wikipedia the ending. You are probably saying, What?! You find out what happens at the end of a movie? What is the point of even watching it then? I answer with this, I have no idea why, but I like to know what is going to happen, and I enjoy it more when I do. But, I am crazier still.
I become so emotionally involved in the characters, that I hate to see them hurt or uncomfortable, and in danger, which in a show like Dr. Who is constant. Because of this, even if I know what is going to happen in the end, and even if I know it will be alright, and the Tenth Doctor will just regenerate into the Eleventh Doctor, I still can't watch it. I will watch trailers for it, and they will be so glorious and promising, but I won't actually watch the real thing.
The trailer for the sixth season of Doctor Who is brilliant.
If you actually watched it, good for you, and doesn't it just look amazing? But, I am scared to watch it, because everything is changing, and becoming darker, and I fear the series is coming to an end. I wish I could just have a normal excited anticipation (is that redundant?) for the sixth season. Instead, I am worried that it won't be as amazing as the trailer, and that it will be the end, and that the Doctor will get together with River Song, and I really don't know how I feel about that. (C'mon Doctor, have you entirely forgotten Rose?)
So, that is one of the crazier parts of my personality. And really, go watch some Doctor Who, and start with the season with the Ninth Doctor and Rose Tyler.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
I just discovered I have a blog....
Apparently, there are 80,000 new blogs created each day. So, I guess I am one of those now. I actually made this blog in December. I totally forgot about it, and then tonight, I thought, hey, maybe I will start a blog. And I stumbled across this one. If I remember correctly, I started it because I was in a very confusing time in my life. I was faced with a big, I mean, HUGE decision to make that would affect everything in my life. I needed to write about it, but I have never been any good at journaling. Maybe I will be better at blogging.
My first post in December was going to be called "About me, Mormon Missionaries, and Discovering my own Faith". I don't remember why I didn't finish it, and I don't remember what I was going to say, but it seems like a good place to start. On December 12, 2010, I wrote this:
"Re-examining something you've been taught is a lot harder than I thought. It's like if your whole life you've been told two plus two equals four, and then someone else says it equals five, and you start double guessing yourself. Anyway, I can't look at this from an unbiased view point. I'm always thinking that's not what my parents taught me, that's not what I learned in Sunday School. When I think about it, it seems silly that God would care at all for me. I'm so unlovable, and he's so mighty."
What was going on in my life when I wrote this? In November 2010, I started to get to know a couple Mormon Missionaries, or Elders, who volunteered at my work. They invited me to church, and the first couple of times, I declined, and told them that I didn't think I would agree with their theology. To be honest, I knew very little about their theology. They weren't the first missionaries I had gotten to know at work, but they were the first that invited me to church. In December, they came to my apartment and we talked for a couple hours. The next day, I went to their church.
Over the next couple of months, I became deeply confused about religion and God. Previously, in my life I had sought a relationship with God, but for what ever reason, never could find satisfaction. I had felt the Spirit in my life, but those moments were few and far between. But with the Elders, and at the LDS Church, I felt the Spirit strongly. And I was ashamed at that, because I had always been taught that Mormonism was a cult, and I felt like I was turning my back on my family, and everyone and everything else in my life.
I was also so uncomfortable. The Elders were challenging me to better my life, and I was scared of change, and scared of giving up the things I knew were bad for me, things I couldn't let go of, because I was addicted to them. I was stuck, and comfortable being stuck in the same life, no matter how miserable I was. The Elders were great and patient, and because eight of them volunteered at my work, I had a lot of support from them. By the end of January, I was able to see that my dependencies were self destructive. And by the beginning of February, I was able to give them up, only because I relied entirely on God's strength.
My confusion lessened, and my surety in what the Elders taught me, was strengthening. But I had not told my family, and dreaded doing so. I imagined the worst, that they would hate me and turn their backs on me. I realize now that that was unfair of me to imagine, because I should have known just how much my family loves me. I talked to a missionary, a certain Sister who is now one of my closest friends, and she told me that I had a decision. I could deny what I was becoming more and more certain was true, and not risk losing my family, or I could stick to the path that I was on, the path that I felt God desired for me to be on, and maybe end up not being a part of my family any longer.
On February 26, I was baptized, and became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My family still loves me. They are not happy about my decision, but they still love me, and that is amazing and I thank God for that. When I made my decision to be baptized, my life came crashing down on me. Everything changed. And even though the wind and hail were crashing in on me, I was firm on the Rock of my salvation.
And now, here I am four months after starting this blog, and almost two months after my baptism. I am still confused about life and love and even sometimes God. But He has been working little and marvelous miracles in my life, and honestly, the peace, joy and satisfaction I feel now is undeniable. A few days ago, an Elder said this to me, "You seem different. What is different about you?" And I replied, "I'm happy now."
Hopefully, my next post will be about what is going on in my life now. There is a lot going on. And just to let you know, even though the title of the blog says it's my musings on religion, politics and life, I don't think I will ever, never ever talk about politics.
Happy Easter, world!
My first post in December was going to be called "About me, Mormon Missionaries, and Discovering my own Faith". I don't remember why I didn't finish it, and I don't remember what I was going to say, but it seems like a good place to start. On December 12, 2010, I wrote this:
"Re-examining something you've been taught is a lot harder than I thought. It's like if your whole life you've been told two plus two equals four, and then someone else says it equals five, and you start double guessing yourself. Anyway, I can't look at this from an unbiased view point. I'm always thinking that's not what my parents taught me, that's not what I learned in Sunday School. When I think about it, it seems silly that God would care at all for me. I'm so unlovable, and he's so mighty."
What was going on in my life when I wrote this? In November 2010, I started to get to know a couple Mormon Missionaries, or Elders, who volunteered at my work. They invited me to church, and the first couple of times, I declined, and told them that I didn't think I would agree with their theology. To be honest, I knew very little about their theology. They weren't the first missionaries I had gotten to know at work, but they were the first that invited me to church. In December, they came to my apartment and we talked for a couple hours. The next day, I went to their church.
Over the next couple of months, I became deeply confused about religion and God. Previously, in my life I had sought a relationship with God, but for what ever reason, never could find satisfaction. I had felt the Spirit in my life, but those moments were few and far between. But with the Elders, and at the LDS Church, I felt the Spirit strongly. And I was ashamed at that, because I had always been taught that Mormonism was a cult, and I felt like I was turning my back on my family, and everyone and everything else in my life.
I was also so uncomfortable. The Elders were challenging me to better my life, and I was scared of change, and scared of giving up the things I knew were bad for me, things I couldn't let go of, because I was addicted to them. I was stuck, and comfortable being stuck in the same life, no matter how miserable I was. The Elders were great and patient, and because eight of them volunteered at my work, I had a lot of support from them. By the end of January, I was able to see that my dependencies were self destructive. And by the beginning of February, I was able to give them up, only because I relied entirely on God's strength.
My confusion lessened, and my surety in what the Elders taught me, was strengthening. But I had not told my family, and dreaded doing so. I imagined the worst, that they would hate me and turn their backs on me. I realize now that that was unfair of me to imagine, because I should have known just how much my family loves me. I talked to a missionary, a certain Sister who is now one of my closest friends, and she told me that I had a decision. I could deny what I was becoming more and more certain was true, and not risk losing my family, or I could stick to the path that I was on, the path that I felt God desired for me to be on, and maybe end up not being a part of my family any longer.
On February 26, I was baptized, and became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My family still loves me. They are not happy about my decision, but they still love me, and that is amazing and I thank God for that. When I made my decision to be baptized, my life came crashing down on me. Everything changed. And even though the wind and hail were crashing in on me, I was firm on the Rock of my salvation.
And now, here I am four months after starting this blog, and almost two months after my baptism. I am still confused about life and love and even sometimes God. But He has been working little and marvelous miracles in my life, and honestly, the peace, joy and satisfaction I feel now is undeniable. A few days ago, an Elder said this to me, "You seem different. What is different about you?" And I replied, "I'm happy now."
Hopefully, my next post will be about what is going on in my life now. There is a lot going on. And just to let you know, even though the title of the blog says it's my musings on religion, politics and life, I don't think I will ever, never ever talk about politics.
Happy Easter, world!
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