The Art of Preparing Mac n Cheese and Other Thoughts

In two weeks, I move back to Loveland.  There are several reasons I am excited to be back in my hometown.  Here they are:

• I get to live with my sister's family.  I will love being so close to my two nieces, getting to know my sister and her husband better, and being so close to family.
• I will be closer to work, therefore, less money wasted on gas. 
• I will be going to the young single adults ward, which is smaller than the one in Fort Collins, but that might be better since I am a little shy at first.
• Generally, just a good chance to save money.

However, I am sad to leave Fort Collins.  Here is why:

• I love Fort Collins as a town.  
• I am going to miss my roommates A LOT!  We pinkie promised each other that we would get together at least once a week.  We did not know each other at all before moving in, so it is a miracle that we all get along so well.  
• Fort Collins has a ton of places to get cheap but delicious frozen yogurt.  

My roommates have taught me the fine art of preparing mac n cheese.  You can laugh and wonder how hard can it really be to just follow the directions on the box, but putting a little extra time and ingredients into it, makes a $0.69 box of mac n cheese taste like a $10 meal. 

1.  Don't be afraid to try different brands and flavors.  A box is no more than a dollar, so you can afford to experiment.  In La Casa de los Zorros (my house) we like Kroger Three Cheese.  I used to hear from different sources (coughmikecough) that buying store brand mac n cheese was a big mistake.  It isn't.  It tastes just the same, if not better, because it's cheaper and comes in a variety of flavors.    

2.  A lot of people think that milk is the important part.  Wrong.  Butter (or margarine) is the important part.  Don't skimp on the butter.  

3.  Sprinkle (or cover, in my case) the top with parmesan.  I put it on right after I scoop the mac n cheese into my bowl, that way it gets all melty.  Stir it in, too.  Don't just let it hang out on top. 

4.  You can always get a little wild and add sour cream or chicken.  

We like to eat our mac n cheese with Totino's Pizza, the little ones that are like a buck.  It is not healthy, but for three college girls, it is a very cheap, easy, delicious meal.  

Over the past six months, I have also learned how exciting it is to write and receive handwritten letters.  In February, a missionary I had grown close to was transferred to Greeley.  He got permission for me to send him letters.  He, unfortunately, can't send me letters back.  That is fine, and I still have had a lot of fun writing him letters.  During March and April, I met and got to know a guy named Jake.  He was getting ready to leave for his mission to Mexico City.  After he left, we started writing letters to each other.  (Just FYI, I am not writing only guys.  One sister missionary in the mission sends me weekly e-mails.)  I also got to know a missionary from England.  He became really sick here, and so they sent him to a mission in England a few weeks ago.  They thought that since they couldn't figure out what was wrong with him, maybe it was environmental.  I wrote him after he left, and I just got my first letter from him today.  

He likes to call me Johanna, emphasis on the h sound.  I was super excited to get this today.  First, his letter was awesome.  But also, I have never gotten mail from England before.  Here is what I love about writing and receiving handwritten letters:

• The anticipation is fun.  Usually, I hate waiting and I am incredibly impatient.  But I like the hope I get when I check the mail everyday, knowing there might be a chance that there is a letter from one of my friends.  
• It is all kind of romantic.  And I am NOT talking about mushy, love romance.  I mean more like it is... what do I mean?  Like it is fanciful, I guess.  I think what I mean is that in this day and age, it has become impractical when it is so easy to e-mail, text, call, facebook, etc. someone. 
• It is personal.  Don't get me wrong, I think you can say personal things in e-mails or phone calls.  But when it is handwritten, you have spent a certain energy and care into saying what you want to say.  I really like that handwritten letters can be signed.  The way you sign it can say a lot in and of itself, too.  A lot of times, I sign my letters like so:     ~JoannaGrace~

                 

Lastly, my life ended a little bit on Saturday.  I saw the final Harry Potter movie with my sister Elissa.  

It. Was. So. AMAZING!  

I started reading the series when I was 9.  I am now 21.  Let us do the math.  For 12 years of my life,  I have invested time, love and energy into the books and movies.  That is more than HALF my life!  As I grew up, the books grew up with me.  It sounds stupid, but Harry and Ron and Hermione became my friends.  I have talked to other people my age, and they have said the same thing.  It is the end of an era.  At least I have the release of the DVD to look forward to now.  That day really will be the end of my life.  Here is a picture of how much Harry Potter has grown:

If only I had a side by side picture of me at eleven and twenty one.  Ok, obsessive Harry Potter moment temporarily over... until I see the movie again in an hour.  

PEACE OUT, Homiez!

Coping

This past week, I have been driving to work from Fort Collins by myself.  I was carpooling with my coworker Kimberly, but she is now on maternity leave.  I take Taft Hill which turns into Wilson in Loveland.  Earlier, I had noticed that there is a little road side memorial shrine in between Fort Collins and Loveland.  And going North, right before the memorial, are tire marks, and a big disturbance in the field, where you can tell a car crashed.  Every day this week, as I drive to work in the morning, there is a car pulled over next to it, and a lady sitting in front of the memorial.  Today, it was obvious that she was crying.  Her body was shaking and her face was in her hands.  I drove by it again this afternoon, and when I saw it, I wondered who this lady had lost.  Her son or daughter?  Brother or sister, best friend, cousin, aunt or uncle?  Whoever it was, she loved this person.  She loved them so much that she grieves for them every morning, and probably carries around that grief with her all day.

It has made me think about losing someone you love, and not even necessarily because that person died.  My friend said goodbye to someone she is very close to, who is moving to Europe indefinitely.  Another one of my friends went back home to England, and not under the happiest circumstances.  And Kimberly, my pregnant coworker, is not coming back to work after her baby is born.  Saying goodbye, or even saying see you later, is hard enough.  I can't imagine how hard it is to lose someone to death.

I love the incredible miracle of Jesus breaking the bands of death.  And I hold fast to the hope and faith I have in that.

Decisions, Promotions, and BIG Things Happening

The last post I wrote was all about how I felt really good about leaving for Provo in August, and why.  So much can change in two and a half weeks.  I started my job at HNS in November 2009 as a seasonal employee in the clothing room.  After Christmas, the director and assistant director got together and decided that they wanted to hire me on permanently.  The assistant director told me yesterday how they had had a discussion about it (when we started going into our slow season) and both agreed that I was too a part of the team to let me go.  To keep me on, they also trained me in the food room, and eventually in reception and data entry.  I spent the rest of 2010 floating from area to area.  At the beginning of 2011, I was offered a promotion as the food room assistant.  I have loved being the FR assistant.  But, I always in the back of my mind wished that I could be a caseworker.  Well, on Thursday, the director came to talk to me.  She asked me if I was for sure going to Utah, and then said if I wasn't, then she would like for me to become a caseworker.

This past weekend I had a constant prayer in my heart.  Should I go to Provo like I had originally planned, or stay for a little while longer and try my hand at caseworking?  I had no idea what God had in mind for me.  A lot of the time I felt like He was giving me two great options, and that no matter which I chose, He would take care of me.  On Friday, I made a pros and cons list.

After making this list, I was still very undecided about my plans.  On Friday and Saturday, I was leaning more towards sticking with the original plan, and going to Provo in August.  On Sunday, I was leaning towards staying.  As I was drifting in and out of sleep on Sunday morning, I was praying.  One prayer went like this, "God, just I need to know now what you want me to do.  Just tell me."  Another one was more along these lines, "God, I trust that your wisdom is perfect, and that you will let me know what to do in your perfect time, and I trust that no matter what, You love me and have a perfect plan for me."  I prayed these two prayers a lot the last few days.

On Monday morning, I went to the director and told her that I had decided to stay a little longer in Colorado, and though I would be leaving eventually, I would love to become a caseworker.  She was very excited, and plans for my training were discussed.  This next Monday, I will start my training.  I will casework in the morning, and be in the Food Room in the afternoon.  My coworkers, parents and friends are all excited for me.  I am for the most part psyched, however, I am still a bit disappointed.  My roommate said it best, "It's always a little disappointing when plans change."

As for school, I now have more time to apply to more schools, save more money, and hopefully buy a new car.  I also will be living with Elissa and Mike in August, so I am excited to get to know her family better, and save some money on rent.

I starting reading the caseworker manual, and I am now scared out of my mind about my new responsibilities, so please pray that I will figure it out, and do well in my new job.

I have been thinking about my future a lot.  Particularly my decision to move to Provo, Utah in the fall to attend Utah Valley University.  I know some people in my life (some who read this blog) absolutely do not want me to go to Utah.  I have not really explained why I feel I need to be there, and why I feel like it is the best place for me to be.  Here it is.

At the beginning of April, I went to Salt Lake City for General Conference.  It was one of the best weekends of my life.  While there, we (my friend, Meg and I) spent an evening in Provo.  Meg went to school at BYU before she left for her mission, so she showed me the BYU campus, drove me by UVU in Orem, showed me where the MTC (the training center for the missionaries) was, and we even stopped outside the Provo Temple.  The gates were locked because it was past nine, but it was beautiful even just seeing it outside the gates.  I felt like I could really see myself living in Provo.  And Utah has a great public transportation system, so getting to SLC or Logan would be easy.

That is when I really began thinking about moving to Utah.  After that trip, things started to really fall in place for me to make that dream a reality.  For one thing, a lot of the missionaries and Mormons I have met here will be going to school in Utah, either at BYU (Provo), UofU (SLC), or USU (Logan).  And one of the best things about Mormons is that the Church is just one big family of support and helpfulness.  For instance, I have been to three different wards in my short time of being a Mormon, and I have always been invited to dinner, offered help with this or that, felt loved and mattered.  I feel a lot better knowing that I will have that support when I move and when I really will probably need it.  I already have been given offers for a job and housing.

But I think what really secured my decision was my move to Fort Collins.  Before I found the place I am staying at now, I had looked at a few other places that had 6-12 month leases.  I applied for these places and was told that my applications were accepted, and even set up times to sign the leases.  Then, on all occasions,  the landlord would call at the last minute and tell me that something came up or they found someone else, and I would not be able to move in.  This was very discouraging at the time.  Then I came across an add for the place I am at now.  It was to sublease a room in a house with two other girls.  The lease ends at the end of July.  As I was driving to Fort Collins to look at the place and meet the girls, I had this feeling that this was going to be the place.  I prayed that if it was God's will, that He would just make it happen.  And He did.  I realize now that if I had signed those other leases, I wouldn't have the opportunity to go to Provo in the fall.  But now, my lease ends right when I need it to, to ensure that I can move in August.

I fully realize that I will have to pay out of state tuition, that college will be tough, especially after not being in school for 3 years, and that not being in Colorado with my family will be sad and hard, and even though I am scared, really scared, I know that in Utah I will grow more than I ever have, in the Gospel I know to be true, and into the person God intends me to be.  Before I joined the Church, while I was still "investigating" as the missionaries call it, I went to the Loveland Stake Conference.  Which is basically like General Conference but just for a stake.  Mission President Ely gave an incredible talk about change.  It is really the only one I remember from the conference.  He made the point of saying that you can not change if you do not change your environment.  At the time, this was hard for me to hear, because I was in a bad environment that was dragging me down, but I didn't know how to change that.  Lately, I have been changing the environments that I am in.  I don't want to be in a place that makes it harder for me to hear the promptings if the Holy Ghost.  And I feel like for me, as a new member, I will find the right environments in Utah.

I love my job, and I love love love my family.  But those are the only things I will be sad to leave behind.  In Utah, I can start fresh.  I will not be in a city that has a liquor store on every corner, or holds past memories that haunt me.  I read an amazing talk by Jeffrey R. Holland today, entitled "Remember Lot's Wife."  It talks a lot about repenting of your sins, and leaving them in the past.  And I am hoping that maybe moving to Utah will help me leave my past in the past.  I fully believe that I should remember my past sins and mistakes in order to learn from them, but I have sincerely repented of them, and know that because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I no longer have to feel guilty for them.

Here is the link to "Remember Lot's Wife."
Remember Lot's Wife

I am not asking anyone to support or understand my decision to leave Colorado for Utah, but I sincerely hope that none of my relationships will be ruined or hurt by this.  I love you, and I am sorry for hurting you.  There are few things in my life that I have been really certain of, but I am absolutely certain of Utah. And I cannot turn my back on that certainty.

Untitled

Hello, World!  I haven't written in a few days.  I have spent the past week really struggling with wanting to give in to my past addictions, namely alcohol.  It's ridiculous that I want to drink, because I have seen so many blessings in my life since giving it up.  I hate the person I become when I am drunk.  I hate the things I do and say, and I hate the way I feel.  And yet, I still crave it.  It has just been over 3 months since I had my last drink.  Here are the differences in my life that I have seen since giving it up:

1. I have not gotten sick.  I am not saying I won't ever get sick again, but this past winter, when I was drinking almost every night, I got the flu, a sinus infection, and pretty much just a constant cold.  I don't know if this is because I was drinking a lot, but I seem to be healthier when I don't drink.
2. I do not wake up hung over.  Although I have been having problems with my sleeping and because of that do not have a lot of energy, I still have more energy and healthy feelings than I did when I was spending my day hung over.
3. I don't do stupid things like I did when I would get drunk.  I am always able when sober to clearly make right decisions.  I still make wrong ones sometimes, but it is easier to make the right ones when I am sober.  I hope that makes sense.
4. I am saving money not buying a ton of alcohol.  That gets expensive after awhile.
5. I used to eat a lot of crap when I was drunk, and because of that, I gained a lot of weight.  I don't know if I really have lost any weight, but quite a few people have told me that I look thinner, and my skin looks clearer.

Maybe I should just carry this list around with me to help me remember NOT to drink.

In other news, last Monday I had an interview at Bed, Bath and Beyond.  At the end of the interview, the guy said, "I will call you Friday to tell you when orientation is."  Therefore, I thought I had the job.  Well, he didn't call Friday, but another lady there called this morning and said that they were not hiring.  UGH! I had already told a bunch of people I got a second job.  He should have said, "I will call you Friday to tell you if we are hiring you."  Or something along those lines.  But, no, he made it sound like I was getting the job.  I am frustrated.  I really want a second job.  I want to go to Utah with some money in my pocket.  So please pray that I can find another job.

Moving Day

Ah, I am all settled in to my new place.  Well, almost.  I just have to hang up all my clothes.  Here is the situation.  I am living in a house in Fort Collins with two girls.  One is staying, one is leaving, and another girl is coming next week.  The lease is only until through July, so in August, I am going to pack up again, and head off for Utah.  Here are some pictures of Joanna's Big Fort Collins Adventure:

On Friday, I packed up my stuff at my Parents' house.  This is about a third of it.

My room.  A very flowery bed.  Also, there is a cool shelf above it.

Desk and chair, obviously.  My room would not be complete without James Dean.

The side of the house.  That dog, who coincidentally is named Riley, is leaving Sunday.

And the backyard.

All in all, I am pretty happy with my new digs.  Just holler if you want to come visit me.

Happy Mother's Day

Someone asked me today what the best thing my mom ever told me was.  I answered, She told me I love you.  Everyday, she made sure my sisters and I knew that she loved us.  And even now, we may not see her everyday, but there is no doubt in our minds of her love for us.  So thank you, mom, for always saying I love you.  Even when I was being a troublemaker, or not saying I love you back, or even when I was making a life choice you really did not agree with.  I hope you know that I love you, too.  You are the best mom a daughter could ask for, and I am so happy you are mine.

My mom, me, Erin, Jessica, Elissa