I have been thinking about my future a lot.  Particularly my decision to move to Provo, Utah in the fall to attend Utah Valley University.  I know some people in my life (some who read this blog) absolutely do not want me to go to Utah.  I have not really explained why I feel I need to be there, and why I feel like it is the best place for me to be.  Here it is.

At the beginning of April, I went to Salt Lake City for General Conference.  It was one of the best weekends of my life.  While there, we (my friend, Meg and I) spent an evening in Provo.  Meg went to school at BYU before she left for her mission, so she showed me the BYU campus, drove me by UVU in Orem, showed me where the MTC (the training center for the missionaries) was, and we even stopped outside the Provo Temple.  The gates were locked because it was past nine, but it was beautiful even just seeing it outside the gates.  I felt like I could really see myself living in Provo.  And Utah has a great public transportation system, so getting to SLC or Logan would be easy.

That is when I really began thinking about moving to Utah.  After that trip, things started to really fall in place for me to make that dream a reality.  For one thing, a lot of the missionaries and Mormons I have met here will be going to school in Utah, either at BYU (Provo), UofU (SLC), or USU (Logan).  And one of the best things about Mormons is that the Church is just one big family of support and helpfulness.  For instance, I have been to three different wards in my short time of being a Mormon, and I have always been invited to dinner, offered help with this or that, felt loved and mattered.  I feel a lot better knowing that I will have that support when I move and when I really will probably need it.  I already have been given offers for a job and housing.

But I think what really secured my decision was my move to Fort Collins.  Before I found the place I am staying at now, I had looked at a few other places that had 6-12 month leases.  I applied for these places and was told that my applications were accepted, and even set up times to sign the leases.  Then, on all occasions,  the landlord would call at the last minute and tell me that something came up or they found someone else, and I would not be able to move in.  This was very discouraging at the time.  Then I came across an add for the place I am at now.  It was to sublease a room in a house with two other girls.  The lease ends at the end of July.  As I was driving to Fort Collins to look at the place and meet the girls, I had this feeling that this was going to be the place.  I prayed that if it was God's will, that He would just make it happen.  And He did.  I realize now that if I had signed those other leases, I wouldn't have the opportunity to go to Provo in the fall.  But now, my lease ends right when I need it to, to ensure that I can move in August.

I fully realize that I will have to pay out of state tuition, that college will be tough, especially after not being in school for 3 years, and that not being in Colorado with my family will be sad and hard, and even though I am scared, really scared, I know that in Utah I will grow more than I ever have, in the Gospel I know to be true, and into the person God intends me to be.  Before I joined the Church, while I was still "investigating" as the missionaries call it, I went to the Loveland Stake Conference.  Which is basically like General Conference but just for a stake.  Mission President Ely gave an incredible talk about change.  It is really the only one I remember from the conference.  He made the point of saying that you can not change if you do not change your environment.  At the time, this was hard for me to hear, because I was in a bad environment that was dragging me down, but I didn't know how to change that.  Lately, I have been changing the environments that I am in.  I don't want to be in a place that makes it harder for me to hear the promptings if the Holy Ghost.  And I feel like for me, as a new member, I will find the right environments in Utah.

I love my job, and I love love love my family.  But those are the only things I will be sad to leave behind.  In Utah, I can start fresh.  I will not be in a city that has a liquor store on every corner, or holds past memories that haunt me.  I read an amazing talk by Jeffrey R. Holland today, entitled "Remember Lot's Wife."  It talks a lot about repenting of your sins, and leaving them in the past.  And I am hoping that maybe moving to Utah will help me leave my past in the past.  I fully believe that I should remember my past sins and mistakes in order to learn from them, but I have sincerely repented of them, and know that because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I no longer have to feel guilty for them.

Here is the link to "Remember Lot's Wife."
Remember Lot's Wife

I am not asking anyone to support or understand my decision to leave Colorado for Utah, but I sincerely hope that none of my relationships will be ruined or hurt by this.  I love you, and I am sorry for hurting you.  There are few things in my life that I have been really certain of, but I am absolutely certain of Utah. And I cannot turn my back on that certainty.